6.03.2010

Parasites CAN be funny.

You wanna hear something weird? I always feel kinda bad when I post about my dirty birds in the precario.


I worry that you’ll be like, “Oh jeez. Jamie, please do not try to be all deep...or...serious. I come here to laugh. at you.” And, like, you might think I duped you into reading about poor kids that smell like poo by first luring you in with a mildly amusing story about how I gave a birth control pill to a little boy.


Seriously. Sometimes I waste thought on these kinds of things.


When I wrote this post from the other day, I originally put this little “warning” at the beginning:

*This post is not intended to make you feel like a douchebag. It might. But lets be honest - it can't always be about strippers and herpes and pervy lizards getting in my pants. I mean, that stuff is pretty funny, but it isn’t always really fulfilling. So pardon me while I fulfill myself.... uh...that came out wrong.


And then I deleted it. Well, I cut it and pasted here because I was like, “Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me? I am APOLOGIZING for talking about marginalized children! Who does that?!.... I have to blog about this.” So I am.


Anyway. It’s just that life can’t always be funny. Ya know? There’s nothing funny about what those kids were born into. Trust me. If there was something even remotely (yet inappropriately) funny about it, I would be the first to point it out (and make everyone around me uncomfortable). But I have yet to find the funny in malnutrition.


Granted, parasites can be funny. Like there was this one time when a particular childlike member of a certain white missionary family stood straight up at the table in a restaurant with HUGE eyes and announced with the calm and poise of a president at war, “I just pooped my pants.”, and then promptly covered ever square inch of a hotel lobby in vomit on our way back to our room.

I mean that was funny!

So yeah, parasites are hilarious! But only when they’re in the bellies of white American kids who’s parents can afford to buy the medicine to kill them (medicine that the pharmacist told me “will kill all the types of animals living in your son” What a relief.)


But. Parasites are only funny when your kid has juicy farts AND owns more than one pair of underwear.

Or when you can keep filling your kid with Gatorade and toast faster than he can crap it/puke it out.

Or when you have a family of five and 3 toilets. But NOT when you have a family of 11 and no toilets.


See what I mean?


Parasites in my kids = Funny

Parasites in precario kids that could die from dehydration = Not funny


A missionary Mom harassing/neglecting her kids who will someday get rich off the memoir material she’s given them = Funny

A precario Mom throwing a rock at her kid’s head because he didn’t come inside when she screamed at him = Not funny


Married missionaries in an all out screaming/throwing stuff match right up to the minute the students arrives for small group Bible Study = Freaking Hilarious

Unwed teenage Moms popping out baby after baby in a single room tin shack = Not Freaking Hilarious at all


Uuuumm. I don’t really have a point.


I guess I just wanted to say thanks for sticking with me when you pop in to the VWM for a smile and instead find, like, 20 pictures of grimy kids with rotting teeth that won’t have as many calories today as you slowly sipped in your morning latte.


You guys are awesome. Seriously.


So. Have you ever pooped your pants in a restaurant? or anywhere else?