I was watching Jersey Shore the other day… What. I was… So?
Anyway. I was watching all these kids with their uber-tans and goopy hair and lack of functional undergarments, and I was utterly fascinated. The whole entire show is about who is cheating on who, and who is stealing from who, who is sabotaging who, who is lying to who, and who is giving who an STD - and then all of that excitement is punctuated by snippets of all these greasy Meatballs talking into a camera to tell us about said cheating, stealing, sabotaging, lying and STDing. It’s… weird. And it’s dirty. Not gonna lie, it draws me in, in some messed up way.
So the other day, this guy – you know, on Jersey Shore – this guy had done something stupid and it pissed off his girlfriend, so he looked at the camera and said, “What?! So now I’m frickin’ Jesus? I’m Jesus and I’m so perfect I’m not gonna look at another girl’s rack when it’s right in front of me?! Cuz I’m not perfect, and I am going to look!...I’m only human, ya know.”
Ugh! I really hate that.
I hate it when people use the fact that they're human as an excuse to be a douche.
It doesn’t even make sense. I mean, I could understand it if you were, like, ripping my arm off, for example, and I was crying and begging you to stop but you wouldn’t stop because you were, say, a tiger. Then you might say to me, “I’m sorry, but I’m only a tiger”, and I would totally have to be understanding because a tiger lives by instinct and not reason. So it would be pretty stupid of me to beg a tiger to stop hurting me, because a tiger lacks that little seen human-trait we call ‘compassion’.
But to claim that your humanity is the thing that’s keeping you from doing the right thing? That seems backwards to me. Isn’t it our humanity that compels us to treat others with kindness and respect? Isn’t it our humanness that kind of pushes us toward decency?
One of the things that I love about the Bible is that as we look into the life of Jesus we get such a clear picture of his humanity. We see Jesus celebrate and mourn, and we see him challenge injustice and cross social barriers. He is protective of the prostitute, gentle with the elderly, and compassionate toward the infirm. I like to think that during Jesus time on Earth, he was showing us a thing or two about how treat one another in this life....like, the life we’re living... right now…
But somewhere along the line, following Jesus became a quest for perfection - of course, we’re not perfect – we’re only human. So we pray for the divine strength to stop looking at porn, or whatever, and when that doesn’t work we say, “Well, what do you expect? Jesus was perfect because he was God, and I’m only human.” And then we pray for forgiveness for drinking two-thirds of a bottle of scotch and, again, we say, “Please God, give me the divine strength to quit boozing it up and slapping the 'ol wife around.” Or whatever. And when that doesn’t work we cry, “I want to stop, but I’m only human!” And then we pray to God to give us the power to stop ignoring the baby while we eff around on the internet, or to please, God, please, help us stop flirting with the hot clerk at Whole Foods because we know it’s wrong, and then when we fail, or worse, when someone catches us, we grab on to that familiar line, and fling it out there as a catch-all for our crappy behavior, “I’m sorry…but I’m only human.”
Yeesh. What have we done?
Maybe we need to be praying less for some kind of divine intervention and more for the simple compassion to stop injuring, using, abusing, or neglecting the people that cross our paths in a given day. Maybe we ought to pray for a deeper sense of our fellow man so that we might see how the things we’re doing are affecting our spouse (current, or future), our children, and the world in general. Perhaps if we pray for the kind of humanity Jesus showed us through his own, we would have to stop shrugging our shoulders about this fallen world and actually change our behavior. What?!
I dunno, I’m just thinking out loud here.
The truth is, if we were all human like Jesus, Jersey Shore would be super boring, and nobody would watch it....
....and then it would get canceled. ← Whoa. Case in point!
.... .... ....
"I'm only human" is definitely my go to pardon-my-douchiness catch-phrase. Can you think of any others?
Today I'm guest posting for El Chupacabra, who, between working full-time, coaching football for his team, playing football for the All-Star team, meeting with a bunch of guys to talk about Jesus, taking college classes, Oh, and being a parent, claims he's too busy to keep up with his blog. Pshhh. What-ever!
So ~because I love him~ I offered to help by writing a guest post, to which he reluctantly said ok. But the best part is that he doesn't even read my blog, so when I gave him the post he read it, and then he looked at me like "For real?" but he knew he couldn't say anything because that would hurt my feelings and that would be bad for us... more specifically, bad for him.
Here's part of my post, called "Ask me later", on El Chupacabra Writes a Blog:
Since the internet is obviously a “safe place” where one can truly bare their soul without fear of scrutiny or judgment, I’m just gonna go ahead and throw this out there…
El Chupacabra and I are at an impasse. There’s a glitch in our marital matrix.We keep having the same conversation over and over, making the same remarks and coming to the same conclusions. It’s getting kinda weird.
I dunno. I hope you'll go read it, but don't crucify me in the comments section when you read what a primo jerk I am. And then follow El Chupacabra, who promises that he's going to write more.
Ok?... go on.
Ok. So in the comments on my last post someone was all, "Hey, do you have a fan page on FaceBook?", and I said "No", because I didn't.
But now I do.
I know. I think it's kind of douchey, too.
Never the less...
I made a FaceBook fan page because I'm a blogger, but I'm seriously considering becoming a booker. And one of the things you have to do these days, if you want to sell a book, is show the guys who care about these things some kind of evidence that says bunches of people "like" you. (Which, when you think about it, is pretty lame since it means that popularity, once again, wins over merit. Just like in high school. But, whatever.)
Hence, the Face Book fan page.
And now there are approximately 8 thousand different ways for you to keep up with the Very Worst Missionary. You lucky duck.
But I don't want this to completely suck for the fan page likers, so I'm gonna use it to post random crap that's too short for a blog post or too long for Twitter.
....And pics of my pets being cute or funny or stupid.
...And pics of crazy Costa Rican stuff, like food that looks like turds and/or wieners, or insanely giant pot holes, or a family of 5 on a motorcycle, or a sloth in a bucket. You know, stuff like that.
...And maybe some pics of my kids, and El Chupacabra (if he'll let me). Maybe.
Also? If this fan page thing starts to feel like a huge pain in the ass, I'll delete it. But until then, would you mind going and hitting that cute little "like" button? I'd be super-duper appreciative of your support. <--- See that? that's where you, supporting a missionary happens. Nice, huh.
Thanks. You're awesome. We should totally hang out some time.
Do you have a fan page? Oh hey, if you have a fan page, feel free to link it in the comments. Then I won't feel so bad cuz it'll be like our own little VWM douche/fan party! WooHoo!!