1.02.2012

Be afraid.


At the stroke of midnight, we welcomed 2012 with some of our favorite people on the planet by our side.

We ate and drank and danced a little, and then we piled into 3 cars and drove 5 minutes up the hill to the most perfect vantage point for watching Costa Rica do what she does best – Celebrate!

It would be impossible for me to describe the view as the clock struck 12, so I won't even bother. You either know what it's like to stand on the side of a mountain as the valley beneath you fills with the streaking, pulsing, bursting light of a million fireworks, or you don't. If you don't, let me just say, it's spectacular in the most spectacular way. It's spectacularly spectacular.

We passed around hugs and kisses and pats on the back for an old year, well-lived, and a new year, well-received. And then, as the light show below us waned and finally died off altogether, we said goodnight to our friends, to find that we had locked our keys in the car.

The perfect night, topped off by a minor calamity.

We finally got home around 2 a.m., so (in keeping with my custom of procrasturbation and seeing that I was to leave for the airport in less than 3 hours) I decided I had better finish packing for a last minute trip to the states. My friends are getting married on Friday and her Dad, a commercial pilot, had comped me a flight to the good 'ol U.S.of A. I was so so so excited, still throwing odds and ends in a bag when I got the message that there was a problem with my ticket. Turns out, one airline bought another airline and -effective at Midnight on New Years Eve- my ticket became invalid. My last minute trip was canceled at the last minute.

I crawled in bed, totally defeated before the 5th hour of the new year, thinking "Pssshh. Happy New Year? My ass.

And I lay there for awhile, wondering if this was a sign of things to come. Wondering if 2012 would be a year fraught with struggle and disappointment. Would all of our perfect nights end with a fight just to get home? Would my great anticipations, my wild hopes, be denied life at the last second?

In the dark, I asked God if this was gonna be a good year or a bad year. I asked Him, 
“Should I be afraid?”

And in the deep place, the place that feels like my beating heart, but isn't, right there, in the very core of my soul I heard His gentle whisper...

Yes.

You should be afraid.

Because I AM that I AM.  Both Dangerous and Good.

I am Justice and I am Mercy.

When you follow Me into the darkness, you will suffer the unknown. You will bear the burden of risk. You will get stuck. You will feel stranded. You will step back, fall down, trip up. You will be disappointed, disheartened, disenchanted. You will be exhausted. Sometimes you will be sad.

Because I AM that I AM.

Both Dangerous and Good.

I am Wrath and I am Grace.

When you follow Me into the darkness, you will be witness to what is Spectacularly Spectacular; the unspeakable beauty of this world, my beloved Creation.

Be. Afraid.

Follow Me in fear and trembling. But follow Me.

Be afraid.

And then? Be brave.

For I am Dangerous and Good.

And I am with you...